Against all Odds
by Trunks1
Summary: Heero tries to find a place for himself after the war, if only to end up finding old feelings returning. (shonen-ai, songfic)


  
  


> _Note:_ Although, the following story is a sequel, it is not necessary to read Velvet and Stone (a Duo P.O.V story) to understand this one. :)  
  
  

> 
> Against all Odds  
  
by Trunks  
  
Song by Phil Collins  
  
  

> 
> **How can I just let you walk away, just let you leave without a trace   
When I stand here taking every breath with you, ooh   
You're the only one who really knew me at all**   

> 
>   
  
There was something about the rain that I never quite understood. The way it always seemed to wash away my troubles and pain, although, as quickly as it was gone, it came back.  
  
War had a way of changing a person, for better or worse who was to say? I had never thought to rely on anyone else. Putting trust in someone else only resulted in a failed mission. How could I trust anyone? The only thing I needed in life was the war. Just the war.  
  
I needed it like air. It gave me a sense of belonging, a place in the world, but, most of all, it made me who I am. Without the war, who am I? I'm just another face in the crowd, only set apart by the fact that I miss the war.  
  
But the hopes of another war starting are none. By some miracle, leaders of the countries, in our world, have begun to agree and make amends. I would have never thought anything such as that would be possible, but, people are drawn together by the promise of peace.  
  
Not that it will last. Total pacifism is just a fantasy, one that can never be reached, not even by Relena. There will always be some lunatic on the rampage with a gun, shooting down anyone in their way.   
  
Relena and I never did see eye to eye, even if she did want me to agree with her methods. She didn't need my words of encouragement to get where she is, but she wanted to reassurance. How could I reassure her, when I did not agree?  
  
She feels sorry for me, I know that. Because of the way I act and the way I speak, she believes I'm lonely. She's right, of course, but I would hate to let her know that.  
  
Relena, after the end of the war, invited me to stay with her, just until I found a place of my own to stay. I didn't want to, but I ended up staying in the Sank Kingdom. It was strange, seeing her everyday. Even though I didn't care to, I also learned more about her.  
  
And, she learned more, than I wanted, about me. I've tried to keep things about myself closed up. There are things about myself that no one needs to know.  
  
During my stay at the Sank Kingdom, Relena did get me to go with her to one of her banquets. I don't know why I went. I did not care to be there, nor be around all of those pacifists.  
  
It went exactly as I had thought it would, nothing more and nothing less. Relena made a speech, had dinner, shook hands, and it was over. However, after the banquet was over, she told me that her brother, whatever he decided his name was now, was to be married to Lucrecia Noin.   
  
Noin was always following him around, trying to show her loyalty to him. For someone to try to get someone to notice them that much, they must be very desperate.   
I was surprised Zechs, of all people, would be the kind of guy to settle down so early.  
  
I was even more surprised when Relena announced that I was invited to the wedding.  
  
  

> 
> **How can you just walk away from me,   
when all I can do is watch you leave   
Cos we've shared the laughter and the pain and even shared the tears  
You're the only one who really knew me at all**   

> 
>   
  
I do not want to be here. I do not want to be here. I do not want to be here.  
  
Tuxedos are extremely uncomfortable. I can still not remember how Relena managed to drag me to this wedding, although it was something along the lines of 'Please, Heero, I can't show up by myself. Please? Your friends will be there. PLEASE? Duo will be there.'  
  
Something inside of me urged me to force my pride away, dress into a tuxedo, and show up at a wedding with Relena, just to see that braided idiot.  
  
The church was, despite my expectations, very large. But, considering how many guests there were to be, it was not too surprising.   
It was already some time after the vows had been said, but I had yet to see Duo.  
Of course, it would have been hard to spot him, with all of the people around me.  
  
I do not want to be here. I do not want to be here. I do not want to be here.  
  
Trowa is here, standing over by the punch bowl, his one visible eye glaring harshly at Dorothy, who had been making Quatre miserable this entire time. I don't know if there is anything between the two pilots, but it would not surprise me if there was.  
  
Quatre would be good for Trowa.  
  
Catching me off guard, Relena links her arm around mine, smiling, almost pleasantly, at me. "Dance with me?"  
  
I've never been good at dances. Certainly, I've danced with Relena before, but I can not say I was good at it. My mind screamed at me, telling me to shove her away and tell her no, but, another part of my mind told me she wouldn't listen.  
  
If it was one thing Relena was, it was stubborn. Perhaps that is why she made such a good ruler.  
  
By a short lived miracle, Relena's question was broke by an interruption. As far as I was concerned, it didn't matter if a madman had interrupted her, as long as there was someone else for her to latch on to.  
  
But it wasn't a madman. It was-  
  
"Hey Heero! Hello, Ojousan, long time no see," The braided pilot smiled, standing in front of the two of us. He looked very odd in a tuxedo, instead of his traditional black priest outfit. Although, I'm sure, I looked just as odd.  
  
For some reason, Duo seems different. Not the usual happy Duo he once was, but a mere shell of his former self. Sure, he looks happy enough, but his smile is just a copy of his old one, and his eyes have a dreary blank look to them.  
  
How long has it been since I've seen him? Months? Not since the war ended. Perhaps even a year.  
Have I really been with Relena that long? It seems like so much longer.  
  
Poking my arm slightly, Relena smiles shortly, "I'm going to go get a drink, I'll be back in a second."  
  
I didn't bother to acknowledge her, but she left anyone, off on her way to the punch table, where Trowa still stood, glaring at Dorothy.  
My mind reminded me of the glass of punch I had drank. It had tasted strange, almost in an unnatural way.   
Someone had definitely spiked the punch.  
  
"So, Heero, how is life with Relena?" Duo asked, that goofy grin of his appearing across his face. He seemed happier now.  
  
"Hn."  
  
How was I supposed to respond to that? My life with her was okay, nothing to rave about. She gave me a place to live for a while and that was great, but I paid with my solitude.  
If I was awake, Relena thought I should be with her. It was getting to the point where I no longer had any time to myself.  
  
And this was probably what she wanted. If I wasn't alone, I couldn't stop to think about my life before I was with her. She wanted me to stay with her, so, in order to keep me with her, she did not want me to remember a time when I might have been happier.  
  
Like when I was on a mission with Duo.  
  
"She really likes you," He says, breaking me from my train of thoughts. Duo always had a way of doing that. But, why did he want to talk to me? Sure, he always wanted to talk to someone, but...  
  
"What do you want, Duo?" I ask, my voice changing from indifferent to annoyed. If he thought that standing around and assuming Relena and I were together was fun, then he would be better off going and bothering Quatre.  
  
But, if he goes to bother Quatre, I'll find an excuse to follow him.  
  
He shrugs, forcing that same fake smile back on his face, "I just want to talk to you, Heero. For friends, we certainly don't talk."  
  
Looking over at him, confusion washes over my face. "Friends?"  
Since when have we been friends? I always thought we were just comrades. Sure, I always hoped for more, but, I had learned, never hope for more than possible.  
  
"Yeah, Heero. You know, friends. The thing were two people are really close and they look out for each other," Duo replies, rolling his eyes, although now he is humoring me.   
It's just like old times. He talks, I listen. He doesn't think I listened, but I did.  
  
I still do.  
  
"I know what a friend is, Duo," I grumble.  
  
Looking over at me, he grins again, "Well, you certainly didn't act like it. What? You didn't think we were friends?"  
  
"You didn't act that way last time I saw you."  
  
I might as well be truthful to him. Well, somewhat truthful...  
  
The last time I did see him, he didn't seem to be too happy to see me. It was just before the announcement that the war was over. I hated that day.  
But, I did get to see him.  
  
"Aw, come on, Heero, even you have your bad days."  
  
Shrugging, I don't find any reason to answer. I was never mad at him about it, but I was, almost, worried about him. He didn't always act like he did.  
  
Perhaps, he was just as lost as I was. Alone and without a purpose, now that he war was over.  
  
  

> 
> **So take a look at me now, oh there's just an empty space   
And there's nothing left here to remind me,   
just the memory of your face   
Ooh take a look at me now, well there's just an empty space  
And you coming back to me is against all odds and that's what I've got to face**  

> 
>   
  
Nearly a week after the wedding, I left the Sank Kingdom. Relena looked devastated when I told her I was leaving, but I didn't really leave any room for her to argue.  
I needed to get out of there, before I went crazy and did something stupid, like actually agree to stay longer.  
  
Several rumors had been flying around among the students there, about a relationship between Relena and I.   
I felt it was best to leave, before she actually thought I had started those rumors and got the wrong idea.  
  
Relena is not a bad person, but I have no desire to be around her longer than necessary.  
  
My destination was a colony somewhere near the moon, where the circus would be stopping shortly.  
After the wedding, Quatre and Duo had decided to take a trip to see the circus, although Quatre probably wanted to see Trowa more than the actual circus.  
  
Quatre volunteered to hunt down Wufei and get him to come along, although I seriously doubted it could be done. But, who knows? Quatre is very good at persuading people to do what he asks.  
  
I didn't pay too much attention to their conversation. The circus didn't matter to me.  
  
Sometime before I left, Duo tracked me down and invited me to go with them. I don't know where he got the idea that I would say yet, but he asked anyway.  
  
And here I am, sitting in the stuffy, overcrowded circus tent, watching as Catherine Bloom threw knives at her younger brother. Catherine probably knows more about Trowa than any of us do. But, I could be wrong. Trowa does seem to like Quatre..a lot.  
  
Somehow, unknown to me, I was seated beside Duo and Wufei.   
Wufei, actually, looked to be enjoying himself slightly. I'm not sure how Quatre managed to get him to come with them, but he was there.  
  
Duo seemed to be happier. His eyes twinkled in amusement at the answers I gave him to his questions, which, in return, made me come very close to allowing myself to smile.  
But, if I smiled, I would just remind myself that I did not deserve a smile.  
  
That little girl deserved to smile again.  
  
  
**
> 
> I wish I could just make you turn around,   
turn around and see me cry   
There's so much I need to say to you,  
so many reasons why   
You're the only one who really knew me at all 
> 
> **  

> 
>   
  
I found an apartment several weeks later. It was small, but it did not cost a lot and I didn't really need a lot of space.  
As of now, there wasn't a lot of furniture. I hadn't found the time to actually go out and buy any, nor had I even considered the thought.  
  
It was fine as it was. I was the only one going to live here, so what did it matter?  
It didn't.  
  
I've spoken to Duo a few times after the circus event. It was certainly an eventful night, the circus that is.  
For some reason, I desperately wanted to grab Duo and ask what was wrong with him. I wanted for him to laugh and smile again, to actually be happy.  
  
But how could I help him, when I was as unhappy as he seemed? Does his unhappiness come from the past, as mine does? Or is it something else?  
  
He actually seemed happy during the circus, but I'm sure it didn't last long. I distinctly remember him grabbing my hand, after the circus was over, and dragging me back to see Trowa and Catherine with everyone else.  
  
I was very intent on keeping his hand in mind, but I didn't. It felt right, being close to him like that, being able to know he was there with me. But, it was wrong. I was not supposed to feel this way about anyone.  
  
But, now that the war has ended and the doctors are dead, who is to say that I cannot have feelings?   
Even after the war, I still feel like a robot, programmed to fight and kill.  
  
No one ever told me how to care about anyone else, I always just assumed I was to never have feeling for anyone.  
  
However, Duo changed that, didn't he? I always just thought I would have to be alone, left to die inside my misery and pain.   
  
  

> 
> **So take a look at me now, well there's just an empty space   
And there's nothing left here to remind me, just the memory of your face  
Now take a look at me now, cos there's just an empty space**   

> 
>   
  
It was raining again. Slowly and steady, but it was raining. It had been raining for a few hours now, although I had yet to go to bed, even though it was some time past midnight. I had never been much on sleep. Just a few hours a rest was all I had ever needed, so I guess that habit just followed me to where I am now.  
  
My eyes fell over to Duo, whom was starring at his shoes, a faded black towel still wrapped around him. Small beads of water still fell from his hair, but, other than that, he was actually starting to get dry again.  
  
He had shown up about an hour ago, soaking wet and a tired smile on his face. I had been rather surprised, to say the absolute least, but he seemed to be doing better now.  
We hadn't really spoken a word since he arrived here, although I already knew why he was here.  
  
"Heero, do you ever feel lost?" Duo's voice broke the silence.  
  
Did I ever feel lost? I almost felt like laughing bitterly at that. Have I ever not felt lost?  
  
I nodded, deciding it would be best if I just let him talk.  
  
"I really don't know what I'm supposed to do now," he continued, resting his chin in the palm of his hands.  
  
"What about Hilde?"  
  
"Hilde? She married some young soldier a year back, didn't I tell you that? Yeah, they are expecting a little girl sometime soon," Duo answered, smiling, "I'm glad she's happy. She deserved to have someone that could take care of her."  
  
I frown. I was almost certain there was something between the two of them. "What about you, Duo?"  
  
He laughed, sitting up, "I can barely take care of myself, Heero, I seriously doubt I could take care of a family. Besides, I never really thought of Hilde in that way. Sure, I like her well enough, but she had expectations."  
  
"Such as?"  
  
"Can you really see me settling down, Heero? Honestly now."  
  
"Hn."  
  
"Exactly. It would kill me to have to stay in one house, having a bunch of little kids running underfoot. I did say she wanted to have a lot of kids, didn't I? Kids are great, but I wouldn't want to be the one to raise 'em."  
  
Duo had certainly healed fast. One minute he was too quiet, the next he was his old talkative self.  
  
Perhaps, sometimes, people just needed to open up to someone and let everything out.  
  
"What about you, Heero?"  
  
Looking up, I shot him a confused look.  
  
"How have you been doing?"  
  
How have I been doing? I'm alive, that amazes even me. I had thought several times of suicide, just to get out of this hell hole I'm living in.  
  
But, the vision of Duo always forced me away from that option. And, now that he was actually here, talking to me, suicide didn't even seem like an option anymore.  
  
I should tell him I'm doing fine. He doesn't need to worry about me, he had too many problems of his own to worry about.  
  
But my soul feels so heavy with pain and worry.   
  
"I'm still alive."  
  
He frowns, but then the frown disappears and he nods, understanding. He always understood what I said when I spoke.  
  
That's what I love about him.   
  
"How is...." Duo looked back down at his feet, "How is..Life with Relena?"  
  
I had hoped he wouldn't bring that up. I hate the feeling of dread whenever he thinks that we are together. Sure, it might have seemed like we were for a time, me going wherever she told me to, accompanying her places, just being there..  
  
But it was almost as if I did it automatically and without having to think about it.  
We were never...  
  
"I wouldn't know," I answered, my gaze staying on him as he looked up at me, almost confused, but that look of understanding still present.  
  
He nods again.  
Then, standing up, he frowns, "Heero, I had better get going."  
  
Don't leave. Don't leave. Don't leave. God, Duo, don't leave me.  
  
"If you go back out into the rain, you'll get sick, you should stay here until morning," I reply.  
  
Duo looked over at me, almost uncertainly, before smiling. "You don't want me here, Heero, all I do is talk."  
  
"Duo, please," I said, then, noting the look of surprise on his face, I add, "I'm not going after you if you collapse on the street from hypothermia."  
  
Laughing, Duo smiles again, "You've certainly changed, Heero."  
  
"So have you, Duo."  
  
Looking back over at me, his mask slips for a moment, "I'll stay."  
  
  

> 
> **But to wait for you, is all I can do and that's what I've got to face   
Take a good look at me now, Cos I'll still be standing here   
And you coming back to me is against all odds   
It's the chance I've gotta take   
  
Take a look at me now **  

> 
>   
  
  
This is definitely the end of this story. The ending on the other one wasn't fitting enough for my tastes, so I wrote this bit up :) The point of this was, not only to make the other story end well but, to write a Duo and Heero story without bashing Relena.  
  
I think I might have accomplished that. Sorry if I didn't, but I cannot stand the girl. In any case, Relena and Heero relationships are okay for some, but I cannot stand the thought of those two together :p  


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